Crash And Burn

I went out for drinks with a friend of mine the other night, and I just can’t get over part of our conversation. I met this sweet soul in cosmetology school. She’s young (a mere 21 years old) and has her entire life in front of her. But, that’s isn’t what she sees or feels. As we drank our cocktails, we talked about how life was treating us and I couldn’t help but see the despair written all over her face as she spoke about her money troubles. Since graduating school eight months ago, she’s been building up her clientele (which takes a while) and also working another job on her off days. In my opinion, she’s doing exactly what she’s supposed to be doing and is right where she needs to be. But, to her, it’s a failure. In her eyes, she’s 21 and she thinks she’s supposed to have it all together. The house, the husband, the baby, the career. At 21?! 

Now, if you are over the age of 30 then you know how crazy this sounds. But, if I reach waaaay back into my memory when I was 21, I felt the exact same way. And I just can’t wrap my mind around the fact that at such a young age, we feel like we are supposed to have everything figured out. Like, what the hell?! At 21, we should be living. Trying out everything under the sun, crashing and burning, and finding out what exactly we do and don’t like. Even if that means we have next to nothing in the bank. Even if that means we live at home with our parents. Isn’t that the more responsible thing to do? Why must we feel like we have to come out of the womb with a plan, a 401K and the energy to do it all?

You see, I’m about to turn 33 in a few days and I’m just now starting to understand who I am and what I want. And that feeling is amazing and freeing and peaceful. But, it hasn’t always been that way. I was exactly where she was 15 years ago and if I could go back and talk to my 19-year-old struggling self, this is what I would say….

Dear Broke Kid,

You. Are. OK. You may not feel like it, but you are exactly where you should be. I know right now you are feeling scared and confused and broke as hell. But, that is perfectly fine. You decided that college wasn’t right for you and now you aren’t sure where to go or who to turn to for answers. You’ve gone against what your parents think is best for you and you are leaning into the unknown, the scary. And it’s really fucking lonely sometimes. You are out here in this world on your own two feet with about $12 to your name and a “you’re on your own” send-off from your loved ones. You look around yourself and you don’t see many people who look like you, feel like you, or think like you. You see happy (almost) adults who have an amazing support system behind them, a path that has been laid out for them, a credit card in their pocket that gets paid for by their parents. And then, there is you. You have found the cheapest possible rent, a car that runs on fumes most of the time, and you steal breadsticks from the kitchen where you work because you are too broke to afford groceries. But, hey! You are doing great! No, really, you are! Right now you are learning what it means and feels like to be hungry. Not just in the literal sense either. But, also, the what you want out of life kind of hungry. You are seeing that it can be hard on your own. Especially without a support system there to make sure you never fail. But here’s where it gets really good! Right now, you are learning that even when you do fail, the world doesn’t end. Life still goes on. You wake up to another day that is full of options and decisions to be made. And you get to make them! So, make the best decisions possible for yourself! And please for God’s sake, don’t compare yourself to anyone around you. Not to the newlywed whose in-laws paid for the down payment on their brand new home, not to the guy whose parents literally make it their mission to never let their son fail and sure as hell don’t compare yourself to the people who are living life the way they have been told to because it’s safe. Because, love, they aren’t you! They don’t have the drive that you have. They don’t have the compassion you have. And they sure as hell don’t have the courage (balls) you have!

So, who cares if you’re 21 and broke? Shit, who cares if your 31 and broke? Crash and burn. Then crash and burn again!